Boundaries can have many meanings. Sometimes, they mean physical barriers like walls or fences. But they can also mean creating rules, separation, and limits that keep you safe and separate from others.
Good boundaries mean maintaining a healthy emotional distance from others. This creates safety and can lead to healthier relationships. Poor boundaries can result in unhealthy dynamics, neglected self-care, and resentment.
It is crucial to set boundaries with others. It is especially important to create healthy boundaries with people living with addiction. It can be challenging to create good boundaries with an addicted loved one, but it can lead to healthier relationships and safety.
This article will explore setting boundaries with an addicted loved one. You will learn:
- Why boundaries are important
- Signs that you need to set boundaries with an addicted persons
- How to create and maintain boundaries with an addicted loved one
If you or someone you love struggles with addiction, treatment and support are critical. Find the support, guidance, and treatment you need at The Living Room.
Why is it Important to Set Boundaries With an Addicted Loved One?
At the core, an addiction is the loss of control. An addicted person does not choose to continue using addictive substances–they must use them in order to function. Most people with addiction require intensive treatment and long-term recovery support to abstain from drugs or alcohol.
Addiction changes how a person’s body and brain function. People living with alcohol or drug addiction often do things to maintain their drug use that they wouldn’t otherwise. They may ask for more time, energy, and resources (including money) than is reasonable.
Addiction can cause a shift in a person’s priorities. Obtaining and using drugs or alcohol can become more important than respecting others or maintaining healthy relationships.
Loving someone with addiction doesn’t mean simply going along with their demands or giving into the chaos. In fact, this can lead to enabling behaviors that can actually worsen an addiction.
Setting healthy boundaries can help create structure and safety in an unstable situation. It can also protect friends and family members and end enabling.
Signs You Need to Set Boundaries With an Addict
Relationships can be complicated. In many relationships, people develop a consistent pattern of behaviors. This can be healthy when the people in the relationship are healthy. However, when one person lives with addiction, it can create a dysfunctional family or relationship structure.
Relationships with unhealthy boundaries can cause people to feel uncomfortable, angry, or resentful. Here are some of the signs you may need to establish healthy boundaries with an addicted loved one:
- You take on responsibility for managing their life
- You become critical of their choices or behaviors
- You have strong emotions about their behaviors or decisions
- You feel they are taking advantage of your time, resources, and energy
- They lie to you or steal from you
- You feel as though you are “walking on eggshells” to avoid conflict
- You feel anxious during interactions with them
- You have new or worsening mental health symptoms, including depression, sleep problems, and anxiety
- You work hard to cover for their shortcomings
Without healthy boundaries, a relationship can become imbalanced. A healthy person may feel mentally and emotionally exhausted or drained.
Recognizing the signs of unhealthy boundaries can be an essential first step toward getting help.
How to Establish Healthy Boundaries With an Addicted Loved One
Practicing self-care is one of the most critical aspects of setting healthy boundaries with an addicted loved one. You must prioritize your own mental and physical health. You must keep yourself safe.
Eating well, prioritizing rest, and staying socially active can help protect your well-being throughout this stressful situation. You can also find support in the community by finding a counselor, attending addiction recovery support groups, and finding other sources of support.
Learning to set healthy boundaries starts with deciding what you want and will not accept. Many people lose sight of their own wants and needs while accommodating an addicted loved one’s needs. This can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and worsening substance abuse issues.
Make a list of what you want. Decide what you will and will not do. Think about what bothers or tires you about your relationship as it is. This can help you decide what boundaries are necessary.
Some examples of boundaries you could set may include:
- Not paying to bail them out of jail
- Not allowing drugs and alcohol in your home
- Not letting your loved one or others be around you while using drugs or drinking
- Refusing to provide financial support
- Not calling in sick or lying about their behaviors anymore
- Expecting they will speak to you with respect or asking them to leave
The boundaries you set will reflect your needs. They will clearly state what you are and are not willing to do.
It can be uncomfortable to communicate boundaries, especially if you have lived with unhealthy ones for a long time. Seek treatment or support from a counselor as you decide your boundaries and express them.
Communicate your boundaries clearly and be firm about enforcing them. Do not allow your loved one to negotiate with you about your boundaries.
Find Support Now
If you or someone you love lives with addiction, you are not alone. Find effective substance abuse treatment programs and support by contacting The Living Room specialists now.